Don’t you think that would make a great reality show? I mean, there is 16 and Pregnant, Pregnant in Heels, I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant- it goes on and on. But no 40 and Pregnant? I’m sure the networks are on it. Especially the whole IVF thing- I know there are a few shows out there that have dealt with this issue a little, but it seems that people still haven’t a clue what it’s like. Between all the injections, ultrasounds & meltdowns, I think it would be a hit. And if it finally works (after 3 or more tries), then it can turn into that feel good story everyone would be rooting for. Throw a prior dead baby into the mix, and yeah, this story gets compelling. It’s all good though- I feel so blessed right now. I keep saying that, but it’s true. I guess I never thought I’d be where I am at 40. I remember my parents turning 40 when I was a teenager! So weird to be in such a different place.
This whole process to get to this point has been challenging, but here I am, 11 weeks and still going strong. I feel good- not so much nausea but enough to make me feel pregnant. I am showing already (and have been for a few weeks) which seems crazy to me but I’ve been told that happens with your second. I still feel like I just look fat, since I haven’t been eating too great (with all the bday celebrations and all) and not really working out these last 3 months. But I am accepting that this is where I am right now and soon enough that baby bump will show prominently and I won’t just have to blurt out “I’m pregnant!” when someone asks why I’m not having a glass of wine or beer like everyone else around me. Chris cracks up everytime I say it- like I am trying to find an excuse to tell people (maybe I am?) but I’m at that awkward stage where I just don’t look pregnant to the outside world, but feel just big all over. So I choose to share my excitement and happiness and it feels great to do so.
The dreaded 40th bday came and went and it actually was pretty awesome. The day itself (4/28) was perfect- with a delicious breakfast cooked by my sweet husband, an awesome lunch at my fave New Haven restaurant with my girlfriends, and then dinner with my siblings & their spouses at my brother-in-laws cousin’s restaurant in Westchester. My sister was out here visiting that week so it was perfect! I never get to spend quality time with both sibs and so it was truly special. The dinner was amazing and was a great way to celebrate this milestone in my life.
For the weekend, we went to Montreal with our friends. It was fantastic! What a beautiful and interesting city. We ate and drank (some of us) our way through the city. Just perfect!
And then it was time to celebrate Chris’ bday. It wasn’t a milestone like mine, but b-days still deserve much celebration and for days we did. It’s fun having back to back b-days, but it does get tiring and my body definitely doesn’t feel awesome from all the treats and heavy foods.
So now back to normal- or what is turning into a new normal. We finally picked our doctors/midwives and we are pretty psyched. We found the perfect group with the perfect balance of what we are looking for this time around. All the advice you all gave was super helpful and very much appreciated. Starting to figure out how to answer “is this your first?” by just seeing how I feel like answering in that moment. It comes up at least once a day and as soon as I start to show more, will probably happen constantly.
Mother’s day was yet again, really really hard. I had my breakdown while emptying the dishes- which I think happened the same time last year. I think it just really hit me at that moment how much I miss Silas and the time I lost with him as my son. Parenting a dead baby is hard, but hits hardest on a day like Mother’s day where everyone is celebrating and it is EVERYWHERE for weeks. I know so many friends who lost their mother’s at a young age, and then now all of us who lost our children- and with all the lost soldiers as well, it seems to be more of a sad reminder of who we lost then anything else. But I do try to cherish what I do have, and that is an amazing mom & mother in law and I feel blessed for the 2 of them in my life.
Waiting patiently to be out of the first tri. It’s almost here and I can taste it. In the meantime, I am FINALLY finding the warmth I so badly missed. LONGEST WINTER EVER. The sun is out, the back door is open, the kitties are playing in the yard, the garden is starting to be planted and I can finally wear my sundresses again. YAY!
12 comments
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May 10, 2011 at 5:22 pm
A reader
This is an entry I am glad you could write!
I’m sorry that Mother’s Day is so hard. It’s to be expected. You deserve to be able to celebrate and mourn at the same time. I wish you didn’t have to.
May 10, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Monique
Wow – 11 weeks already! I’m glad you got away to Montreal (one of my favourite cities) and celebrated turning 40. This is my year too. Keep trucking along, one day at a time, you can do this, Lani. Sending so much love and remembering Silas.
May 10, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Sally
All great news, Lani. Thanks for the update. Glad things are still progressing smoothly and that you’re almost in to the second trimester. I was thinking of you and Silas on Mother’s Day for all you were both cheated of.
Love to you.
xo
May 10, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Kristina
Thought of you all day long on mother’s day Lani and was sorry I didn’t say something in person on Saturday night.
It was such a brutal winter. The last couple weeks have been glorious-I hope the sunshine continues to warm your soul. ((HUGS))
May 11, 2011 at 10:03 am
Meredith
I am so glad that you and Chris had good birthdays with your families and friends! Montreal is such a cool city with amazing food! I’m glad the weather is warming up and you’re soaking in the sun. It will be nice to officially be in your second trimester with your growing bump.
I am so sorry that sweet Silas couldn’t be with you on Mother’s Day. Seeing how you feel when you’re on the receiving end of questions about your baby/babies sounds really good.
May 11, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Erica
I think 40 and pregnant would be an *awesome* show. I would upgrade my cable package to see that one.
Thinking of you and wishing you some restful days. I had a pretty happy Mother’s Day this year, really, but it was still hard and I’m still glad it’s over for another year. I wonder if we’ll always feel that way?
May 12, 2011 at 10:28 am
sheila
A growing belly and sun dresses…what a beautiful combination! Glad you guys had good birthdays. I SO wish we lived a little closer and could hang out more frequently. Hope you both get to soak in this gorgeous weather and that we see you soon!
May 12, 2011 at 10:37 am
Tracy
Can’t wait to see you and that bump!
May 17, 2011 at 11:40 pm
Mira
Wishing you every happiness – so so thrilled for you and Chris.
May 19, 2011 at 8:24 am
A reader
By the way, if you are getting a CVS, there are docs at big university hospitals (maybe yours) that have like a 1/1,000 loss rate. I’m a big fan of finding out sooner than later (with amnio). I had a CVS at 11.5 weeks and it was fine, although I bled a little at night. I had it abdominally. Good luck, whatever you do! The extra bonus is, you get to find out the gender early.
May 23, 2011 at 11:54 am
Heather
Can’t think of a better way to celebrate a 40th Birthday! Woohoo!
May 23, 2011 at 1:24 pm
mamaliza
Happy 40th Lani!
So glad you are 40 and pregnant
My 40th is not too far away too…
May next mother’s day be so joyful for you!
Sending you love
Xox